Monday, 26 February 2007

• In three days, it will have been 3 months from when I last heard from you. I barely even think about you anymore. When I do, there's no emotion. Mostly just numbness. I saw you a few weeks ago. I have to be honest, it upset me. I went home and cried. But now I've moved on. I've found someone else. He doesn't really seem to care anymore than you did, but at least he's still here. He's still my friend. He didn't abandon me, or break promises that he made to me. I felt closer to you than I do to him, but that's changed. I honestly don't know what happened with you. I feel hurt and angry and there's a sense of regret. I wasted a part of my life on you. It seems a shame that nothing came of it. It's a shame that we aren't still friends. And now even the good memories we had are tainted; there's a dim veil of red covering them in my mind. Is it true that I don't exist to you anymore? When you see me, is there even a hint of sadness or regret, or what-could-have-been? It would comfort me to know that somewhere, or somewhen, you did care, at least a little bit, and when you see me, you remember the fact that you once cared. Or even if you felt guilty.

  It is okay with me if you don't. You hardly exist within me anymore. Sometimes, there's a violent red flicker of memory that sets me off, discolors my mood. But it's quickly replaced. Take comfort in knowing that I'm getting over you much more quickly than I expected to. You told me once that you would be too hard to get over. I realise now that was just your ego talking. Just remember that I loved you once, and probably still will for quite a while, because you gave me strength of character, and I thank you for that.

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